Melancholy Much?

I always seem to find my default emotion set to melancholy. What I mean is no matter how great a day or week has gone I eventually revert back to this state of sadness and I will literally do nothing but rot all day.

I think it comes from a place of realization of I may not get to do all the things I want to do in life before I die. I have a list! It is long and expensive. I feel like I am in this stage in life where the signs are signing but yet at the same time I feel as though nothing is happening! All signs point to me getting exactly what I want out of life but when? I am super impatient, I have always known this about myself.

I just enrolled for my last year of undergrad. It is almost over. WOW.

I turn 32 this May and I have some things to reflect on.

Sometimes I feel like one life I simply not enough time for me to do all the things I want to do. I always wanted to be singer in band. An alternative, Neo-soul or R&B group. I love music and always wanted to make some of my own or just sing what was written for me. I wish I could play a guitar, a piano, and maybe a violin or cello. I always wanted to be on a hip-hop dance time and tour around the world dancing for artists or just in general. I always wanted to act on tv or in a play, it was one of my childhood dreams. I used to write the saddest and loneliest poetry in high school and I wish I had those journals.

I want to travel to all 7 continents, I wanted to be humanitarian by feeding and housing the world. Sometime I think I want to live a nomadic life with no strings. Other times I want to buy a house and multiple properties. I love social media and making content sometimes but I am so burnt out sometimes I want to dismantled my LLC, this site and everything with my name connected to it and just go off the grid.

I wonder if marriage or kids are meant for me. I don't think I want to be mom. I don't even know if I want to be married. I'm literally just a girl. I just don't feel old enough for such commitments. Have I already met the love of my life? I highly doubt it. Are you Black, White, Hispanic? Asian, Mixed, Latino? *shrugs shoulders*

I am a very nostalgic person if you tell me a memory and I was there, I can tell you what I was wearing or you and what we ate. I love moments and to relive them, I once was told that was annoying and that I live in the past, which simply isn't true. I just love to reminisce, find it lovely when things come full circle.

I need to find joy in my everyday life that just isn't as adventurous as it is when I am traveling. Trying to figure out what makes me happy inside. I just find melancholy.